FAQ
Q: Why don’t you offer more shirt colors?
A: Because we believe in freedom, from bad fashion choices. We’ve heroically narrowed it down to the four sacred shades of universal drip: Black (the color of truth), White (the color of sarcasm purity), Navy (the color of bipartisan disappointment), and Wine Red (the color of coping with the news). We could offer more, but we like to sleep at night knowing your shirt won’t clash with your convictions. You’re welcome.
Q: Do you really hate both political parties equally?
A: No. We don’t “hate.” We practice DEI: Dunking on Everyone Inclusively. Our mission is bipartisan roastage in the name of national healing, or at least mutual eye-rolls. We satirize because we care. Deeply. Painfully. Often while crying in the shower.
Q: Is satire tax deductible?
A: Only emotionally. But if you can find a CPA with a sense of humor and no regard for audits, let us know. We’d love a referral. Until then, enjoy your moral write-off.
Q: Will this shirt make me more attractive to conspiracy theorists?
A: It’s not guaranteed… but if someone starts whispering to you about lizard people at Trader Joe’s, you’ll know it’s working. Side effects may include uncomfortable eye contact, unsolicited YouTube links, and date requests in underground bunkers.
Q: Are you TRYING to piss everyone off?
A: Yes. Especially you. But only if you’re humor-deficient, irony-impaired, or allergic to self-awareness. Otherwise, welcome home.
Q: Can you do custom shirts?
A: We believe in customs (at the border) and being accustomed to viral sales. But as for custom orders? Not right now. Too much red tape… or yellow tape in some cases. We’ll let you know if the bureaucracy gets funny enough to justify it.
Q: What’s your return policy?
A: If you’re returning it because your family disowned you, we understand. If it’s because it made you too powerful and self-aware, please consider keeping it, it’s a public service. But yes, we do offer returns if your sarcasm aura is too fragile.
Q: Is TooSoons a real company or a social experiment?
A: Yes.
